


Of Cute Boys & Heartache

by Rogersruinedmylife



Series: Of Max & Lando [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Daniel is a saint, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Fuckbuddies, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Lando and Charles are besties that everyone thinks are dating, M/M, Max has Emotions, no one knows how to deal with their emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:46:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27810961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogersruinedmylife/pseuds/Rogersruinedmylife
Summary: Lando had never been a problem for Max; he was a daydream, and a wish.Of Reddit Post & Cute Cats from Max's pov
Relationships: Alexander Albon & Charles Leclerc & Lando Norris & George Russell, Alexander Albon & Lando Norris & George Russell, Daniel Ricciardo & Max Verstappen, Kimi Räikkönen/Sebastian Vettel, Lando Norris/Max Verstappen
Series: Of Max & Lando [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2034856
Comments: 10
Kudos: 99





	Of Cute Boys & Heartache

There had never been a problem, so to speak, for Max when it came to Lando Norris.

This thought had once again struck Max as Daniel threw a question into the room of intoxicated drivers during a round of truth or dare at one of Kimi’s pre-season blow outs back in his vacation home in the Finnish country side.

Sebastian was currently taking a shot out of said man’s belly button, the German driver smirking as Kimi watched him make his way to the lime wedge in his mouth before giving the German a wink.

It was then, while Sebastian sucked noisily on the lime wedge, still straddling Kimi’s thighs as the Finn squeezed Sebastian’s waist, that Daniel had opened his big mouth and started a discussion Max had had with himself multiple times over the last few years.

‘So it’s obvious that Seb was Kimi’s gay awakening, when did the rest of you have yours?’, Daniel grinned, throwing an arm around Max and Carlos as he flopped down between them on the couch, ‘Mine was when I was in my twenties and I saw Jenson shirtless for the first time. Now I don’t even really bat that way, but I would let Button do whatever he wanted to me and die a happy man’.

This prompted a round of laughter from the tipsy drivers, and a cheeky ‘I’m down whenever you are Riccardo, name the time and place’, from Jenson who had been hanging out by Kimi’s make shift bar. A disgruntled looking Mark Webber was nursing a drink beside him, rolling his eyes at their antics.

‘Kimi was mine’, Sebastian beamed proudly, now seated on the still shirtless Finn’s lap, ‘First day at the paddock in F1, walked up to him, told him I was going to suck his dick one day and he just looked at me and left. Jokes on him, now he can’t get rid of me’

Max’s eyes were drawn once more to the small gold ring that had appeared on Sebastian’s finger halfway through the season. The German was constantly playing with it in interviews, twisting the metal round his fingers with a soft smile. However, when asked about the ring, Sebastian would only offer a cheeky smile before commenting on the weather or what food he was looking forward to trying out after the race.

Max had seen a matching ring hidden behind Kimi’s shirt on a chain when the older man was waiting for an interview one day, tugging at the chain with a soft smile on his face.

It was watching them, knowing he wasn’t the only one on the grid, that gave him comfort as Hulk began telling the story of the first guy he slept with. One Max had heard before from his older friend, knowing it ended with Hulk being chased out of a house in his underwear by the others older brother after it turned out he had also slept with the sister the week before. He knew it ended with Hulk making a pass at the older brother and allowed his mind to drift.

His own realisation had come with a hint of fear and the knowledge that he may never get to act on his feelings.

Max could still recall the feeling of horror when he realised at seventeen that he had no interest in girls. He enjoyed their company, loved his first girlfriend, and adored her but as time went on, they had both realised that there was nothing between them. She had held his hand and kissed his knuckles as they had admitted to each other at seventeen they were both gay.

Max had always thought coming out would be a huge ordeal. That there would be crying and screaming, that his father would take one look at him and tell him he was disgusting, but she had held his hand as he admitted that he had a crush on someone else.

Someone that he couldn’t get off his mind and had pushed away as he prepared to enter F1.

Max had told himself back then that Lando needed time to recover, that he needed space to deal with the accident that had left him unable to walk or use his arm for almost a year.

Truthfully, Max had been scared he was going to lose his only friend. The person he had held closest outside of his family. He was terrified in the way all teenagers are when it came to their first crush.

Max had believed back then that telling Lando or letting him find out that he wanted the younger boy to hold his hand while they watched movies and cuddle him while playing FIFA or Call of Duty, would cost him one of the only positive friendships in his life.

Instead, Max pulled away, letting the silence between them grow naturally despite wanting to spend every waking moment at Lando’s side after hearing of the youngers crash. Seeing Lando’s car roll, watching it torn apart and Lando covered by a sheet and rushed into the ambulance during a play back had sent Max to his knees, panic gripping him tight.

Yet he remained frozen in his fear, only reaching out a handful of times.

Instead he lived through George and Alex’s Instagram stories. Watching as Lando entered university from a far, as he went golfing and bowling with the two drivers. Even seeing their group holiday pictures from the summer break after George entered F1.

Max had believed until that point that he had gotten over his crush. Time and distance eating away at the budding feelings and leaving him with nothing but fond memories of a friend. Yet all it took was one carefully posted picture of Lando lounging at a pool side table. His skin smooth and bronze except for some scarring around his injured knee and shoulder. He was relaxed and sun kissed, cheeky smile on his face as he lowered the rim of his sunglasses to toss a wink at George who was recording him.

Max had almost dropped his phone off the balcony of Daniel’s apartment as the older had come back with two beers, casually asking Max if the sun was starting to burn his cheeks or if he was just too pretty for Max to handle.

He had diffused the situation by shoving the older man, turning the conversation to Daniel’s latest conquest.

Lando had never been a problem for Max; he was a daydream, and a wish.

Max was pulled back into the conversation as his name was thrown around by Daniel.

‘We all know Maxy here saw me that first day in Red Bull and had a gay panic that left even Marko wondering how many braincells Maxy had’, Daniel teased, reaching over to pinch Max’s cheek.

Max snorted, swatting his best friends hand away, ‘Mate I wouldn’t consider you if you were the last man on Earth, not after seeing your tan ass on my balcony after getting locked out drunk and climbing onto mine. I was scarred for life Daniel’.

Daniel squawked in protest, turning towards a laughing Hulk, demanding the German defend his honour as the rest of the drivers laughed around them.

Max basked in the happiness of the evening. Enjoying the chaos of almost a full grid drunk in one room and making his way towards Lance and Pierre who were gossiping in a corner of the room.

His mind drifted from the cute boy with soft curls and bronze skin as he sipped whatever monstrosity Lance had handed him.

Lando was a distance daydream, one that was about to become reality.

*

Max hadn’t believed his own eyes when he first saw Lando walking through the paddock for the first race of the season.

He was in the middle of a Ziggo interview when he caught sight of the cute ex-British driver. Lando was waiting behind George who was being interviewed by Button. His small but toned frame wrapped in a tight black and blue Williams polo, his lean torso on display.

Max had simply thought George always ordered his team gear a size small to show off his broad shoulders, but it seemed that Williams was just staffed by ridiculously attractive men in tight shirts.

He tried to focus on his own interview while watching the younger man brush a hand through his dark curls, smile on his face as he glanced between George and the tablet in his hand.

And then their eyes met across the paddock as Max finished his interview, automatically walking towards the Brit and trying not to let the thumping of his heart deafen him as he realised Lando was not only attractive, but his big green eyes and thick lashes were hidden by a pair of glasses that made the younger man look adorable.

It was as if he was possessed, not registering that he was greeting Lando for the first time in years before pulling him into a tight hug. One, he noted, that was returned just as tightly as the smaller cuddled closer, his head fitting perfectly under Max’s chin, breath warm on his neck as he melted against Max.

He hoped the younger couldn’t see the blush he was feeling creeping up his cheeks and ears or hear the thundering of his heart as they pulled back, noticing the freckles across Lando’s nose.

His mouth escaped him, trying to draw any attention from the way he was reluctant to release Lando from his hold, teasing the younger about having not grown and ruffling his hair as he watched Lando pout at him, shoving ay his shoulder.

And it was as if any distance between them was erased in that moment.

It was easy as breathing texting Lando to tease him about his glasses and receiving a middle finger emoji in response. The conversation spiralling quickly into chatting shit between interviews, free practices, and the insane amount of work Lando had to do as George’s PR manager.

It had evolved from texting to face time while cooking to long hours spent laughing and insulting each other as they played Call of Duty, dying stupid deaths due to ladders and snippers as they played late into the night.

Max couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so free during a season. Normally his weeks were filled with interviews, PR events, training and phone calls from his father urging him to try harder, to achieve better results and accusing him of becoming lazy. Max was normally numb, going from race to race with an intense focus that ate at him little by little, leaving Daniel to come and pull him out of the stress induced panic he would work himself into.

Lando balanced him.

After every bad call with his father that left him feeling worthless and like a failure, Lando was there, unknowingly making him smile with a meme or messages in all caps followed by pictures of burnt or undercooked food.

After every race, despite his own crazy schedule, Lando managed to squeeze in time to hug him tight and congratulate him before he was dragging George across the media pen from reporter to reported.

There were nights were Marko had left Max wanting to leave the sport he lived for. On those nights Lando appeared at his hotel room door, junk food and bad movies in hand. They sat in silence, simply watching them, shoulders pressed together, and Max could feel the burn ease. The tightness in his chest lightening with every laugh from the man beside him, with every snarky comment and cheeky smile.

Max had felt lighter with Lando around, which made it all that more difficult to understand that pang in his chest every time he saw Lando with Charles Leclerc.

Max was aware of the fact that Lando had other friends. The younger man was like a ray of sunshine, much like Daniel in how easily he made friends. It was something max had always admired about the young man. Lando never let his social anxiety or his introverted nature stop him from making friends wherever he went. He had once watched the younger man charm Kimi simply by smiling at the older man and offering him the rest of his desert at one of the F1 charity events a few months into the season.

Lando was constantly flitting around with George and Alex, their laughter making all those around them smile. He could be seen playing golf with some of the F3 and F2 driver sat the weekend, and jetting around the bays in Monaco with Charles.

Max had more than once gritted his teeth at the pictures on Charles’s private Instagram pages story. Pictures of Lando, sun kissed and laughing, Charles’s arm around his waist as the Monegasque man pressed a kiss to the Brits cheek.

And it didn’t stop at pictures once he had noticed how close the two men were.

Max had often seen Charles bounce up to Lando in the paddock, hugging him tight and kissing his forehead as Lando shoved at the driver. He had found often Charles tucked away in the Williams hospitality, Lando dozing with his head in his lap when looking for the British PR manager.

The one that made him truly ache with something he couldn’t place was at one of the after parties.

Max had been enjoying the night, managing to find a drink that Lando liked with a low alcohol content, and had ben chatting happily, slowly sliding closer to the younger, throwing an arm around his shoulders where they sat tucked away out of sight.

Lando had been leaning into him. Turned slightly to look at Max, to make out the words between the thumping bass of the music as Max ran fingers lightly up and down Lando’s arm while the young talked animatedly about some new game coming out.

If Max were an honest man, he would have admitted that he was watching the movement of Lando’s lips, hypnotised by the thought of what they might feel like on his.

Before he could contemplate the idea or thought of his crush resurfacing after finally gaining his friend back in his life, Charles had slid into Lando’s lap, hand going to wind in the unruly brown curls Max loved to tug at teasingly, and smiled at Lando so sweetly that the other forgot all about Max. His attention completely on the man in his lap.

Max hadn’t waited around. Simply uttering an excuse about getting another drink.

He never made it back to their corner. There had been shots with Dan and Kimi, cocktails with Lance, and a small toned man with bright blue eyes and curls that had pressed Max against a wall and kissed him until his lips went numb and they stumbled to a taxi back to the hotel.

Max couldn’t remember the strangers name, but he remembered the texts on his phone the next morning. The concern, the questions, and the sad smiley face Lando had sent him when he must have realised Max wouldn’t answer.

When they met later that day, Max hungover and Lando withdrawn slightly, Max promised himself he would never give into to the feelings that were slowly resurfacing as he watched Lando smile at him shyly, fiddling with the watch on his wrist.

Nothing was worth losing this.

*

Despite how hard Max tried to squash the feelings, to suffocate something that had been burning wildly since he had realised years before that he had an attraction for a man with wild curls, a cheeky smile and a laugh that made him want to join in no matter how badly he was feeling, some of them still escaped that night towards the end of the season.

Max was running on a high. He had squeezed passed Lewis who was struck with a freak technical issue in the last two laps, result in him taking P1. Daniel had been quick to take advantage of Lewis’s issue and push passed the Brit into P2, staying ahead as Alex quickly caught P3 and attempted to squeeze passed the Australian. The podium had been one of Max’s favourite. His best friend and close friend on one podium, laughing, soaking each other with champagne and hugging each other close.

Even the inevitable shoey with Dan didn’t sour his mood that he carried with him into a wild night of celebration. George had joined them at some point, having scored a P6, his best of the season and getting hilariously drunk. Max had a video saved on his phone of George giving a strip tease to the club from a top a table and competing in a shots contest with Charles.

The high of the win carried him through the briefings the next day. Not even Marko’s cynicism and critical assessment of what was a fantastic drive from both him and Alex could bring him down.

He was just about to text Lando, wanting to spend his last few hours and night in the hotel with his friend. He had even brought that game Lando had been raving about a few weeks ago in that bar for them to play.

And that’s when he spotted his friend pacing the hallways, twisting the ends of his sleeves over his hand, muttering to himself while glancing at his phone as if waiting for a response.

Lando looked frustrated, a tense set to his shoulder and jaw as Max approached.

No words were exchanged as Max caught him by the shoulders, leading him away from the deserted hallway with a casual arm thrown around him, feeling just how tense his smaller friend was.

He had remained silent as Max pulled two cokes from the fridge. The cans cold and biting at the skin of his palms, ground him as he turned to see the sight before him.

Lando had decided to stop his pacing, leaning against the stretch of wall beside the television stand in the room. The position, and the tight three-quarter zip Williams jumper highlighted how lithe his friends form was.

Max had to repress a shiver as Lando’s normally vibrant and amused yes were half hooded as he watched Max come close. Lando was looking at him through thick lashes with dark eyes, almost like a predator stalking prey and it made something within Max flicker to life as he watched his friend track his moves as he handed him the coke.

There was a tension in the room that Max could only break with teasing.

If only his brain had caught his mouth before he opened it.

‘You need to unwind. Is Leclerc not putting out enough?’ Max question, watching how Lando stuttered and choked at his question and waving off the surprised look on Lando’s face, ‘Mate you two are so cuddly at parties and dinners, hard to miss you’re dating’

Max had to look away, playing with the tab on his can. The ache was back, making him frown as he tried not to focus on it, almost missing Lando’s stuttered and rush denial.

‘We’re not dating! We make out sometimes when we need company, but Charlie is not my type’, Lando coughed, hand idly rubbing at the length of his throat, distracting Max with his long fingers for a few seconds.

‘Oh?’, Max could feel his voice getting lower, the tension almost crackling between them as he stepped closer to the smaller man, trying not to notice how much he blanketed the other with his broader frame, ‘What is your type then Lando?’

He distracted himself by taking a drink of his coke, tilting his head back slightly when he saw how Lando’s eyes darkened. Consciously or unconsciously, Lando dragged his burning gaze down the length of Max’s throat and body, biting his lip briefly before slowly raising his gaze to stare deep into Max’s own eyes.

It was then he uttered the word that Max had never dared to even dream about.

‘You’.

Max knew there was a further conversation, that he had asked Lando if he was sure, if he really wanted to do this as he pressed him against the hotel room wall. Revealing in the feeling of the narrow hips under his fingers, of the firm body pressed into his and the heat between them as Lando, beautiful and endlessly cheeky Lando, teased him even now.

Max couldn’t even remember his reply. It got lost in the feeling of Lando’s soft lips on his, his warm skin under his fingers as he figured out what made him squirm and gasp into his mouth as he battled with Lando over dominance.

It wasn’t long until Max had found a spot, raking his short nails over the line of Lando’s hip bones as the younger melted against him, pliant as Max moved them to the bed.

It should have been terrifying just how right it felt to have Lando beneath him, how their bodies fit in ways Max had never experienced with any other partner. It should have incited panic just how much he wanted Lando despite part of his brain warning him that they had just fucked up everything they had worked so hard to keep.

Even as he lay there, lying chest to chest with Lando’s fingers drifting over his back and sides, body lax and vulnerable, soaking in the warmth of the man beneath him, he didn’t feel the terror he expected or regret anything that had happened.

As he lay beside Lando, staring into those green eyes that sparked with so much care and amusement while their pinkies remained hooked together in promise, Max ignored that little voice in the back of his head.

The voice that told him he had just lost Lando, even if he didn’t know it yet.

*

The next few weeks, Max was on cloud nine.

Nothing seemed to bring him down as he went about his training and sped through races with a newfound determination.

He had expected Lando to ignore his messages after he had hugged him close and left him in the hotel lobby the first morning after they slept together. Yet nothing changed. Lando still laughed just as loudly at Max’s bad jokes before pulling him into burning kisses and pressing him against any available surface.

They still raced and played Call of Duty for hours on end, never losing interest in their friendship or letting the amazing sex complicate anything.

Lando had even showed Max his wilder side after overhearing Marko attack Max for achieving a P2 during a race where more than a third of the grid had crashed out or DNF due to horrific weather conditions.

Lando had smirked at him as he had hopped up on Marko’s pristine desk, legs wrapping around Max’s waist and a firm hand around his neck pulling him into a kiss and telling him not to worry, that they had plenty of time to screw Marko over by wrecking his neatly organised desk.

The memories still made Max shiver.

Evan Daniel had begun to suspect something was going on with him, giving him curious looks every time Max so much as smiled at his phone when they travelled together. Max had even caught him trying to figure out the passcode on his phone one night where he and Lando had been texting back and forth, messaging each other from opposite ends of the club they were in for an after party. Every so often Max had glanced up, eyes meeting Lando’s only to receive a wink that made Max smirk.

Having rescued his phone from Daniel’s drunken attempts to gain access it his messages, Max had to deal with his friend pouting at him.

‘I just want to see who’s purse your balls have gotten wrapped up in Maxy’, Daniel had slurred, pulling Max closer, hooking his beer bottle over the Dutchman’s shoulder.

Max had shoved his face away from him playfully, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at Daniel, ‘Out of the two of us mate, you’re the simp, not me. Why are you so obsessed with me Daniel? Did your girlfriend finally realize you’re as smooth as a Ken doll downstairs?’

‘First, rude. You have seen the donger, you know how good she gets it’, Daniel scoffed, motioning to his crotch as he stepped away from Max, ‘Two, what the fuck is a simp? And three my little Dutch friend, you’ve been staring at your phone all night’

And then he said the words that took the air out of Max’s lungs and sent his world tilting on its axis.

‘So, either you’ve just found out Lewis is out of the championship battle because the FIA are racist shits, or Maxy’s gone and fallen in love’.

It was as if Max’s world had frozen for a second, the sick feeling coming back as he glanced up and watched Lando being dragged to dance by a laughing Charles. All he could focus on was the words Daniel had carelessly thrown at him before his drunk friend had been distracted by Hulk wandering towards them, shouting over the music about some blind folded shots game Kimi was setting up.

Max had managed to stumble to the bathroom, heart pounding as the words reverberated in his brain. He couldn’t be. He had promised he wouldn’t do anything to ruin the little piece of sanity he had found through rebuilding his friendship with Lando. He couldn’t do this to them.

Not after Lando had so sweetly linked his pinkie with his, promising him they wouldn’t ever lose the friendship that they had.

The fear was creeping up on him once more, like it did when he was seventeen and sitting in his girlfriends bed feeling like a failure of a man for not being able to go through with having sex because he was thinking of someone else.

Max tried to wash it away. Splashing water on his face in hopes that the words would leave him, that the little voice that was begging him to acknowledge it would be drowned.

Instead of the water washing it away, hands landed gently on his waist. The touch soothing as a lithe body pressed against his back. His eyes meeting bright green through the mirror as Lando pressed a kiss to the back of his shoulder, mirroring where Max had left his own kisses over the scars left on Lando’s body by the crash that had almost taken him from the world.

‘Are you okay?’, Lando asked softly, running a hand up Max’s side.

Max couldn’t stop the smile on his face, turning so his back was against the sinks. Lando still had his arms around his waist, looking up at him sweetly, lips red from being bitten.

‘Yeah, better now that you’re here, Schatje’, Max teased, knowing the Dutch pet name would make Lando pout and roll his eyes.

The rest of the night was a blur of stolen kisses in the bathroom, pressing Lando against the wall and teasing him with small fleeting touches, make the younger whine and press closer. Always wanting more but settling for Max biting marks into the base of his neck and some heavy petting. An unspoken agreement between them to end up in one of their rooms after they could pull themselves away from each other.

Not even Charles, who had caught them coming out of the bathroom, bright red hickey on Lando’s neck and Max’s fly half way undone, could take away the excitement and contentedness that settled in his chest every time Lando was near.

Not even Charles texting him threats about hurting Lando that night while Lando was dozing at his side, mumbling to max sleepily about random things, could take away the way he felt settled in his own skin for once.

*

Summer break had brought the beginning of the end of them

Memories that Max had looked fondly on, had drifted of to sleep thinking of, had suddenly become the reason he couldn’t sleep at three in the morning when he knew he had to drive the next day. Lando’s name had gone from eliciting giddy butterflies in his stomach to feeling like a lead stone crushing him, tears pricking at his eyes and that overwhelming feeling of stupidity crushing him.

It has started with a fluffy Siamese cat with eyes bright and blue, and a face as cute as her owners.

Max had been dutifully ignoring Marko’s rambling at the front of the board room, having gotten there early with Alex to hide in the back. Neither of them wanting to engage with Marko or Horner’s blind acceptance of whatever the older man spewed at him.

Instead they had claimed the back-corner seats, a clear path to the backdoors beside them so they could make their escape to freedom once the session had been stopped and they were allowed a few weeks to relax.

Out of the corner of his eye, Max could see Alex messaging Lilly, sending her memes and her responses sarcastic but ended with heart emojis making the other driver smile and relax in his seat.

In his own hands, Max fiddled with his phone. A nervous tick that Daniel had pointed out to him before an interview once. He had an inability to keep his fingers still when anxious, always fiddling with his watch or bracelets, running fingers across his lips and teeth, or simply fiddling with anything he could get his hands on. Meetings always made him anxious. He was never sure if Marko was going to turn on him, or more likely, Alex, or if his father would show up unannounced as usual, forcing his way with a list of things Max had done to disappoint the whole team.

So, he fidgeted and daydreamed. Thinking about the fact that in a few minutes he would be free to enjoy the break, to spend hours online with his friends, or if he stayed in England like he had planned, to meet with Lando. The younger had excitedly told him about a few sights and things they could do over break if Max was hanging around.

Lost in his thoughts, Max had barely noticed that he had opened Lando’s contact, sending a text that brought a small smile to his own face as Lando replied almost immediately. He had sent the ridiculous and cheesy code they had come up with, a simple eggplant emoji and question mark that received a cute kissy face followed by Lando’s address.

He ignored the questioning look Alex gave him when he sped past his friend, clapping him on the shoulder quickly and not waiting for Marko to try engaging him in conversation. Max felt giddy, excited to have complete privacy with Lando for the first time. They had never been able to hook up outside of race weekends, Lando needing to be by George’s side and at the factory between races. Max had returned to Monaco with Daniel, spending days training or on the boat with friends.

Yet all he could think of as he zipped down the roads, Lando’s address entered his rentals GPS was that they would be alone. No commitments. No Red Bull staff calling Max away or George ringing Lando to check his schedule and approve his social media posts.

Just them.

Max was so overwhelmed and excited by the thought that he couldn’t help himself.

The door had barely closed behind him before Lando had crowded him against the door. He briefly raking his eyes over Lando’s form and biting his lip from soft and sweet the younger looked. Lando had simply stared back at him, green eyes dark and burning, daring Max to kiss him as Max rubbed his thumb across Lando’s collarbone that peaked from the stretched collar of an old t-shirt a size too big for the smaller boy.

Lando seemed to feel the electricity between them, mouth attacking the length of Max’s neck teasingly as his fingers knocked the cap off his head and pushed his rain jacket from his shoulders. Fingers making their way into his hair and under his shirt to trail across is skin as Max tugged the younger closer, forcing him to curve his body his as he flipped them around, pressing Lando against the wall.

He knew how much Lando loved being pressed under his larger frame and was enjoying the soft mutters and whines he was drawing from him before a pain shot up his leg, startling him away from Lando’s kiss bruised lips despite Lando pulling him back in with a disappointed whine.

‘Fuck, what is that?’

Lando had snorted, raising an eyebrow at the other from where he was still pressed into the wall, crotch pressed against Max’s thigh, ‘You’d think after all this time you’d know what my dick feels like Maxy’.

‘Shut up Lando, I’m well aware of your dick,’ Max rolled his eyes, pointing to where a gorgeous Siamese cat was rubbing against his leg, ‘I meant what was sticking their claws in my leg’.

He heard Lando reply but his focus was on the blue eyes staring up at him warily as he crouched down, offering a hand to the fluffy cat before him. Max had always wanted a pet growing up and was often jealous of Alex’s Instagram posts. His father had always told him they were a distraction. That they took away from his focus, refusing to allow his mother, even after the divorce, to get Max a pet.

Lando was rambling at him nervously as the cat purred, headbutting his hand, encouraging him to pet her gently as Lando’s rambles drifted off.

Max felt his heart melt as the small creature turned her gaze back at him, meowing softly and lifting as if to be picked up. Max was a sucker for a cute face, pulling her carefully into his arms. Awe struck him as she purred, cuddling closer to him as he mumbled about how beautiful she was, how pretty, despite wanting to laugh at the name Lando had given her as she licked at his chin gently, the scratchy surface of her tongue drawing a soft laugh out of him.

He moved to look at Lando, to show off the fact that Clawdia had chosen him, despite Landow warning him that she was picky, and instead of words, he lost his breath.

Lando was gazing at him, eyes soft and something tender in the green orbs. There was a look on his face, almost awe, as he never looked away from Max and Clawdia. It made Max want to tug the younger man close, press soft kisses to his temple and curls, to tuck him into his side and just breath.

He wanted Lando to feel the way his heart skipped a beat and his breathing hitched when the younger looked at him so sweetly. He wanted to tell him everything, the emotions choking him as Lando gazed at him, swallowing as if he was holding back some secret he desperately wanted to share. He looked ethereal in the soft light peaking through the windows in the living room, shirt rumbled, curls tousled and a soft blush high on his cheek bones.

Max had to look away, the sight too much for him to bare. It threatened to crack open everything he was desperately trying to hold in.

Instead of telling him, Max kissed Clawdia’s soft forehead, walking to the couch to set her down gently. Instead of admitting it to himself, he pulled Lando close and kissed him sweetly before muttering something teasing and filthy in Lando’s ear to make the younger pull him towards the bedroom, eyes never leaving each other’s.

Instead of staying when Lando stretched beside him, eyes begging Max to hold him a little longer, his hold only reluctantly allowing Max to leave his side after playing with Clawdia for a few moments, Max left.

His chest ached the entire drive to his bare and empty flat.

*

Max had fallen in love with Lando Norris so easily, so gently that he had not even truly noticed it had evolved beyond a crush on his friend.

It didn’t take him long to admit it when Lando had begun to pull away from him after winter break.

They had spent hours in England tangled together, Max’s defences being chipped away by Lando’s everything. The way he pulled Max tighter against him in hugs, allowing him to feel the younger heart beating with his. The way Lando was endlessly giving and caring, always gently cheering him up after his father’s phone calls. The way Lando’s mind worked, strategy and facts rolling from the younger as they raced together online, mixing with the sharp sense of humour that Max adored.

He even adored Clawdia. He could spend hours running his fingers through her soft fur, listening to her purr as she lay on his chest, Lando pressed into his side as they watched crappy romance movies and movies about racing made by people that had never even watched a Grand Prix. He had even started buying toys and treats for the cat, loving how she excitedly ran to him every time he visited Lando’s apartment.

He had even told Daniel that he was thinking of seeing someone, enduring his friends teasing before Daniel had noticed how nervous Max was about being vulnerable like this.

Daniel had proved once again just why he was Max’s closest friend, taking him in a soft hug and squeezing him tight while reassuring him that he was enough. That he could do this, and if it didn’t work out then he still had him.

It had taken a few weeks of Daniel hyping him up and soft looks from Lando before Max made a decision.

He was going to tell Lando everything.

And then it happened; Max’s world came crashing to a halt

It started slowly.

Small ‘I’m busy tonight, rain check?’ texts with frowny faces whenever Max asked him if he so much as wanted to travel into the track together with George as they had done a few times before. It started with Lando giving him brief smiles, his eyes tight and shoulders tense as he passed Max in the paddock. They went from texting every day to the odd message, most of Max’s going unanswered as days passed, or receiving a simple thumbs up in reaction to messages trying to cheer the younger up when he looked stressed.

Max felt his absence as if it was a wound in his chest.

Every avoided glance and ignored text picked at the scab. Every time he received a ‘I’m swapped with work’ messages only to see on Lando’s Instagram that he was out clubbing with friends made it harder to breath. Each time Lando ducked under his arm or moved away from his high fives when passing each other in the paddock, Max felt himself shrinking inwards.

Panic had begun to grip him, his anxieties running rampant leaving him awake for nights on end. The darkness felt as if it was choking him as he replayed every memory, every kiss, and every touch to see what he had done wrong. If he had done something to hurt Lando, or something during sex that made the younger uncomfortable.

Even Alex was starting to sense something was wrong when Max spaced out in the garage because he had seen Lando laughing earlier, bright, and happy, only for his face to shutter when he met Max’s gaze.

He felt like he was going insane.

The last text had been the one to make him crack, to seek answers to when they had drifted so far apart that Lando could no longer look at him.

He barely remembered leaving his own apartment or standing in the rain for ten minutes, fingers aching with the cold he had always been sensitive too before entering the building and seeking out a door he knew all too well.

His knock on the door felt sounded like a funeral bell.

As Lando opened the door, shock crossing his face before it became a carefully guarded mask once more, Max wanted to scream, to shake him and ask him to come back.

Instead he swept passed Lando, feeling out of place in a space that he had once considered a safe haven. This apartment had held some of his most precious memories, had made him feel safe even when the world outside and inside his head threatened to overwhelm him.

Max felt as if he was five once more, shrinking himself in hopes to avoid his father’s yelling.

There was nothing about Lando that Max would have ever thought would make him feel scared or unsure of himself in this way, but as the younger stood there, staring over Max’s shoulder as if he wasn’t even there, Max broke.

‘Was it something I did?’, he managed to choke out, aware of how tired he sounded, how wrecked, ‘I keep trying to think if I hurt you, if I did something you didn’t like or said something stupid to drive you away, but I can’t think of anything to make you do this Lando’

He didn’t know what he expected, if he wanted Lando to reach out and hold him together to stop him from shattering apart in his living room, or simply tell him he had fucked this up.

The silence was deafening, and Max could feel anger mixing with the sadness that had seeped into his bones, making his body heavy.

The silence was sickening, but the answer was words.

‘I don’t know what you mean Max’, Lando stuttered, hands tugging at his sleeves, ignoring Max even when he was right there. Begging him to look at him.

‘Bullshit’ the word erupted before he could temper his reaction, ‘You know you’ve been avoiding me Lando. Ignoring my messages, lying to me about being busy, so what did I do to make you hate me like this?’

Max wanted to cry, instead he stayed standing as Lando rushed to give him an answer that sounded false to his tired brain, his ‘I don’t hate you, I swear I don’t’ feeling underwhelming when faced with the emptiness between them.

‘Then why Lando’, Max begged, his vulnerability making him uncomfortable as he crossed his arms over his chest to protect himself for any words that would follow.

Yet nothing came.

Lando stood frozen, eyes wide and blank as if in shock watching Max hold himself together. He seemed at war with himself while Max stood there, pleading with him from any small sign that the man he had fallen in love with, stood still. The pause lasted a few moments before Lando reached toward shim, startling Max as he curled in on himself to avoid getting hurt even more than he already had been by coming here.

‘You promised me’, Max felt the tears building behind his eyes, ‘You promised me I wouldn’t lose you. You lied to me’

Lando stuttered and reach out, words falling on deaf ears.

Max felt numb as he moved towards the door, ignoring how his own hands trembled and his chest ached with force it took to contain his sobs. Clawdia cried pitifully, trying to gain his attention but he felt hollow as he spoke towards the doorway, unable to look at Lando any longer.

‘I can’t do this anymore Lando, I don’t deserve this’

Max didn’t recall how he managed to drive to his empty flat through the tears that had fallen the second he had let himself be weak inside his car.

He couldn’t recall getting home or wrapping himself in the fluffy blanket Nico had bought him for his birthday while teasing him about how cold he always got.

Max could have been sitting there for hours when he heard his door bang open, his name being called as he tried to burry himself under the blanket, staring out the wall-length windows of his living room and letting the darkness surround him.

‘Maxy Moo where are you?’, Daniel called into the dark, Max could hear the hall light flipping on and Daniel’s shoes hitting the shoe rack before padding towards him.

He didn’t respond as Daniel settled behind him where he sat on the floor. Allowing the older man to pull him against his chest and throwing an arm around him. They had been here before when the pressure had gotten too much, when Max had been close to breaking and Daniel had sat with him, reminding him that he was more than a body piloting a car.

‘Where are you gone, Max?’, Daniel asked gently, chin on top of Max’s head.

‘I confronted him’, Max croaked, throat aching from his tears, ‘I asked him why and he just stared at me. No, not at me, through me. I fucked us up, Dan’

Daniel pulled him closer, hand running over the soft material of the blanket.

‘It is not your fault that Lando treated you this way Max, never think that’, Daniel stated firmly, ‘He cut you off. He avoided you. That is on him for being a coward and not telling you if there was a problem, not you. You deserve a thousand times more than he gave you’

Max turned his head slightly, glancing up at his friend in shock as Daniel smiled, tapping his temple with his knuckles gently.

‘Don’t have to be a genius to figure you it was the young Mercedes PR agent that had gotten your panties in a twist mate’, Daniel laughed, rolling his eyes as Max glared at him before admitting, ‘Okay so maybe Charles let something slip about you and the lil’ Mercedes agent involving hickeys at Georges birthday bash’

Max huffed a small laughing, letting the warmth and comfort of Daniel at his back ease the panic in his mind, relaxing against his friend despite the ache still in his chest.

‘I still wasn’t enough to make him stay’, Max admitted as the laughter died away, the reality of his loose still leaving an acidic taste on his tongue as the words escaped, ‘I knew I was in love with him, but I kept going. I just wanted him to stay, and in the end, he left as if I hadn’t even meant a thing to him, Daniel’

‘Unfortunately, dicks exist, and not the fun kind,’, Daniel teased, trying to lighten the tension enveloping his friend, ‘You are more than enough. You are Max Fucking Verstappen. An annoying little asshole who is too hard on himself and has a heart of gold. If he can’t see that the fuck him’

A smile edged its way onto Max’s face at the protective tone in his best friend’s voice, at the way Daniel didn’t hesitate to tell him the truth. It was one of the things he loved about Daniel. The older man would call him on his bullshit, but he would always make sure he knew he wasn’t alone, that he was love, he was enough.

He couldn’t resist the joke that was burning at the front of his mind despite the sadness that lingered as he looked up at Daniel, smirking slightly.

‘I already fucked him, Daniel. That’s kind of what started this whole mess’, Max stated dryly as Daniel burst into laughter, ruffling his hair before standing up.

‘Come on you little shit’, Daniel snorted, holding a hand out to him, pulling Max up from the floor, ‘We’re going to get pizza, ice cream and we are going to watch the Notebook and cry like the grown men we are and forget all about that little Merc agent’

Max wasn’t sure if he could ever forget Lando, or how he made him feel settled in a way no one else had, but watching Daniel try not to get tears in his tub of Chip Happens made him feel more like himself in weeks.

Even if he teased Max over his own tears dripping into his Caramel Chew Chew.

*

It had taken a few days to pull himself out of his funk and back to racing.

He hadn’t wanted to leave the apartment for the first few days before they were set to leave. Daniel had had to drag him away from the comfort of his couch, forcing Max to shower and go with him to the gym.

His friend had handed him some tape and boxing gloves, telling him to work it out before they hit the track later that week.

His knuckles had ached, and his jaw hurt from clenching, but when they were done Max felt levelled.

The thought of Lando still burned, an ache that wasn’t disappearing anytime soon, but the anger had melted into acceptance.

That didn’t stop him searching for the smaller man in the paddock. Eyes tracking every Mercedes shirt that passed him, looking for a familiar set of curls, listening for that distinctive and high laughter even when Max felt panicked about seeing him so soon after confronting him.

He didn’t know whether he should be relieved or worried when they days dragged on and Lando never once crossed his path. He had seen George, frown on his face and gazing at his phone between being rushed to practices and interviews by tall blonde woman he had never met before. Alex had glanced at him a few times between sessions, almost asking him a question before shaking his head and taking out his phone to text someone who judging by Alex’s frown, never replied.

It wasn’t until Charles had cornered him that he had worried about the lack of the British PR agent in the paddock.

Charles had cornered him between their motorhomes after qualifying when Max was distracted by his performance, lost in thoughts of recovering from p10, his worst qualifying position in years when the Ferrari driver had caught him by the arm.

Charles had looked nervous, worry etched deep into the young Monegasque man’s face as he spoken.

‘Do you know where he is? He called in sick for this race. He won’t answer George or Alex or me. Sacha has been over to his apartment but it’s always dark, there’s no answer’, Charles spoke softly, biting at his nail, ‘He doesn’t disappear like this’.

Part of Max wanted to laugh, to bitterly point out that Lando did just disappear on people. That he had done it to Max with little thought and that he wasn’t surprised to find he had disappeared on his friends now too.

He didn’t.

Instead he had told Charles a diluted version of the truth.

‘He’s a fucking idiot, I’m sorry Max’, Charles had sighed, running a hand over his face and before Max could question him, Charles was leaving, muttering in French to himself as he disappeared towards the Ferrari hospitality.

Max had wanted to reach out, lying in bed that night, staring at Lando’s contact information. He wanted to call him, to hear his voice and make sure he was okay. He wanted to ask him to come back to him, to tell him how worried his friends were. He wanted to tell him that he had hurt him and he didn’t know when that pain would stop.

He wanted to tell him he loved him.

Instead he put his phone away, tucked himself under his covers, and tried not to dream.

*

Spain had been rocky race. Max had limped along behind Alex, his teammate managing to overtake Leclerc and getting into p3 while Max settled behind the Ferrari for a P5.

The next race had seen him and Alex lock out the Mercedes of Lewis and George, reminding Max of how much he loved his job as they had battled it out for laps before clinching the prize with George taking Lewis at the last corner for a podium.

The adrenaline of a great race carried with him back to Monaco as he bantered back and forth with Daniel, teasing and messing with the other any time either of them dozed off on the place before parting only to meet up again a day later.

Daniel had been whining about some new movie he wanted to watch that honestly sounded awful to Max. His best friend knew him to well however, bribing him with promises of his favourite take out and desert if he would watch this movie with him.

Max had given in when Daniel had tried to be cute, pouting and blinking his brown eyes at him in an awkward attempt at fluttering his eyelashes as Max shoved his face away laughing.

He had settled into the silence of the apartment, focusing on the game of FIFA he had been playing before Daniel had broken into his apartment and demanded attention, a habit he had gotten too fond of recently.

Max regretted giving him a key after one too many close calls when in came to Daniel walking on him.

Despite the close calls, Max couldn’t complain right now. He knew Daniel was still looking after him, making sure Max didn’t disappear back into his mind and slip away as he had done before when he got too caught up in his thoughts.

On screen his player took the ball, making his way down field as Max leant forward, muttering to himself and cursing as he almost made it to the goal when the door opened once more.

Without looking up he threw out a comment, knowing Daniel had probably forgotten his wallet in his jacket that was tossed haphazardly across the chair beside Max.

The voice that answer had him freezing in his seat, heart clenching painfully at the nickname.

‘Hi Maxy’, Lando spoke gently, unusually timid for the vibrant young man as he stood in Max’s living room, watching Max with nervous eyes as the game was paused and he whipped around to see if he was hallucinating.

He wasn’t. Lando was real. He was standing in Max’s apartment looking as beautiful as ever and Max wanted to cry from the sight of him alone.

No matter how hard he tried to distract himself, he had missed Lando so much at times he felt he couldn’t breathe.

Lando looked nervous, hands knotted together as if to stop him from fidgeting as he stood awkwardly. It was as if he felt he didn’t fit in Max’s space anymore. That he didn’t know how to act around him despite him being the one to push Max away.

‘What are you doing here Lando? I thought it was pretty clear where you wanted us to stand last time we spoke’, Max bit out, emotions firing rapidly between wanting to hug the young man and wanting to cry. Anger, sadness and hope all conflicting within him as he watched Lando shift, staring at him with wide eyes.

Max kept the couch between them. A physical barrier to match the emotional one Lando had created between them.

‘I owe you an explanation, Max’, Lando spoke softly, his anxiety coming through in his shaky syllables, ‘I hurt you. I didn’t mean to, but I did. You have every right to kick me out and never speak to me again, but I need you to know that this was never your fault. I fucked us up Max, not you’

The way he tried to curl in on himself made Max want to reach out, to sooth the worry lines on Lando’s face and kiss his temple. He clenched his fist instead, reminding himself that he couldn’t. Lando wasn’t his. Instead he stood, motionless before gesturing for Lando to continue.

He needed closure. Needed to know for sure that he hadn’t been the one to ruin what they had.

‘I took advice from a Reddit forum after posting an anonymous post on a relationship forum asking for help. I changed the details and didn’t use names, don’t worry about it being traced to you, but I needed answers for what I was feeling and how to cope with it. It was eating me up Max and I was scared’, Lando choked out, Max could see his hands shaking as he tried to explain everything, ‘I was scared because I realised, I loved you. That I wanted to find a way to keep you for myself and be more than what we were. So, I took bad advice. I distanced myself from you. I tried to make you jealous by going out and saying there was someone else because I thought you would chase after me’

Max stood stunned. Those three little words once again tilting his world, tossing him overboard into a storm as he felt his breath catch. Lando was still speaking, his words sounding as if they were behind glass as Max replayed those three little words over and over in his mind.

He listened despite the awe, despite the need to reach out and shut up his rambling with kisses and say those three little words back against the lips he had wanted to kiss since Lando had appeared in his apartment. He listened as Lando told him he loved him again, told him he was wonderful and beautiful and how his own insecurities, so painfully close to Max’s own, had led to him attempting something stupid in order to get Max’s attention.

He had never needed to act out to gain Max’s attention or affection; it had been Lando’s since they were teenagers no matter how much he denied it to himself back then.

Lando moving away, smiling sadly at him as he headed towards the door snapped Max out of his stupor. He rushed forward, pulling Lando by the wrist into a bone crushing hug and it was as if the missing piece inside of him was clicking back into place as he wound his fingers through brown curls. Lando fit perfectly in his arms as the younger man tucked into him, the familiar pattern of his breathing ghosting across Max’s neck making him shiver.

‘You’re so fucking stupid,’ Max choked through the overwhelming emotions raging inside him as he clung to the younger man. He hid his smile and teary eyes in Lando’s hair as he felt the other grip him just as tightly, as if he were trying to tell Max he wasn’t leaving again.

‘I know’, Lando whispered into his collarbone, cuddling closer to Max.

‘You have a lot to make up for’, Max stated truthfully, knowing that as much as he loved this man they needed to talk about how much it had hurt Max for Lando to abandon him so carelessly.

‘Anything you want’, Lando promised, kissing Max’s jaw and eyes shining with tears as they met Max’s one watery ones.

Max couldn’t help but laugh, pulling Lando into a gentle kiss, words spoke against the others mouth between giggles and clashes of teeth. Both of them too giddy to care about bruised lips or awkward teeth bumping into places.

‘I love you, you idiot’, Max laughed.

The words felt freeing to say as Lando all but tackled him onto the couch. Repeating the same phrase as he cupped Max’s cheeks, placing kisses all over his face between their laughter, even bumping his nose off Max’s when Max teased fingers across sensitive hip bones. Lando simply kissed him, pouring every ounce of affection into one breath taking kiss before tugging at Max’s shirt, both of them needing to feel the skin to skin contact they had craved and missed.

Max had kissed a gentle path down Lando’s throat to the silvery scars that cascaded over his shoulder, letting his forehead rest in silent praise to whatever Gods that had favored Lando that day, pressing a kiss to the puckered skin before being pulled back to Lando’s lips.

It was of course, just their luck, that the door would burst open as Max’s hands crept down the back of Lando’s jeans while the younger sat in his lap.

‘Fuck, Charles you win!’, Daniel yelled back towards the entrance laughed as Lando tried to cover his chest with his arms as Max pulled the blanket from the back of the couch to drape over them, glaring at his best friend.

‘Ha!’, Charles smugly exclaimed, joining Daniel to gaze at them teasingly, nudging Daniel as he spoke, ‘I told you my boy was a hoe and would turn his love confession into something sexy’.

Despite the teasing and embarrassment, Max didn’t care as he sat with Lando at the table, his arm around the Britons shoulders as they ate. He had his best friend across from him teasing his biggest rival who seemed to thrive on the fact he had another embarrassing story to tell about his small friend and the man of his dreams holding his hand softly in his.

Later that night, as Lando lay pressed against him, both of them sleepy and sated from christening his bed, Max reflected on the journey it had taken to get here.

As he watched Lando drift to sleep, head on his shoulder as he gripped Max closer, mumbling a soft I love you into Max’s neck, he knew he would endure it all again just to get to this point.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> This ended up being a bit longer than I expected and a bit angsty (maybe a lot angsty)....but here it is! Someone asked about what was going on in Max's head during the last one so here you go.
> 
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it, they honestly make me smile <3
> 
> Until next time <3


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